Spring Is Here.....my life is dead 

That's a funny 'lyric' I wrote (or plagiarized) almost 40 years ago before I knew I was a creative and not just overly dramatic.....and the spring is finally here! 
It's my favorite season by far, yet this year....I was not caring about it as much as usual.  So much has changed in my life since last year this time.  I turned myself into a seed, something buried deeply in the ground awaiting the cool rain and sunlight to appear.  I buried myself as deep as I could hide, because life was so.......cold.  Self-imposed hibernation. Holding out 'til the spring was my plan.  So, I waited.  Deep down under the dirt.  Deeper under rocks and roots where I've been resting, waiting for the spring to arrive and encourage me to sprout.  I thought I was laying dormant, but everything about me quaked in that darkness. Everything about me was vibrant and alive, although retreating.  In the most quiet and still of the dark, when I thought I was completely alone - there he was with me.  Just as silent yet bright as ever.  I squeezed my eyes tighter to block the light, yet it seeped through my cells until it was ridiculously obvious that I couldn't hide nor be quelled. My roots began to twitch and grow.  There was nothing I could do to stop the internal growth that was occurring despite my resistance, hesitation and fear.  Fear really was getting in the way of everything; even underground as a seed in the dark bright.  It was fully illuminated and exposed underneath where I laid.  It demanded from me so much. I was simply trying to hide out of sight, bide time as much as possible so I could think about life quietly in my own way.  And yet, all that I was avoiding was buried alongside of me under earth.  The bright light illuminated the fear clearly and without restraint.  No matter how I didn't want that in my secret world of me, it all was there.  Like the saying goes, 'No matter where you go, you take yourself with you.'  It is truly true.  What I discovered, rediscovered then readdressed, the light without fail, kept me warm and exposed.  So I've chosen to stop fighting that dumb ass human condition fight.  I'm learning to accept all of me with courage, compassion, and love. These things I've taken pride in doing for others, but buried down deep in secret - I realized that no matter what I was outputting, I have to put myself first.  The more I denied this simple truth, the brighter and warmer the light became around me.  Next thing I knew, I was growing.   The little quiet seed was growing!  Nothing I can control or do by myself.  I didn't even think it to happen - it just happened. 

Today as I slowly walked thru Times Square on my way to Mishiko to practice, I accepted my burgeoning & very present roots and shoots.  I purchased a new composition book like journal for important topics, random nonsense, exceptional ideas and bald-faced lies.  I started to write again; I continue to grow like a little seed.  To sing.  To write. To create.  To me myself, comfortable, warm - ever growing. Breaking thru the tough shell that protected me underground into a beautiful, spring day filled with the brightest sun, joy, vibrations and love.  I'm reminding myself to maintain courage, have compassion towards my beautiful self, & love.  Love, love, love, love LOVE.  Let it go. Let God. Live.  Grow.  I'm grateful to meet the spring again and look forward to breaking thru the dirt even more so to meet life once again, shoot by shoot, leaf by leaf.  How you doing?  Remember to have courage, compassion and love towards your self so you don't wither away and fall dormant.  There is so much to do in this life....may you continue to be blessed.  Sending you my extra love.....

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